It’s Tuesday night, I just finished working out, and I happened to stumble upon one of the videos of YouTube vlogger Lana Blakely. The title captured my eye. It reads I Dated for 10 years: Here’s What I Learned. I clicked the thumbnail as I was very curious to find out what she had to say. I thought that maybe I can use some of her advice as I kinda need more luck when it comes to dating.
My very recent experience just wasn’t I thought how it would end. We dated exclusively to see if we were really compatible with each other. We were in no rush. With the pandemic and uncertainty in our jobs however, we mutually decided to stop dating after four months of going out. We ceased all forms of communication. After that, a month passed and he somehow managed to be back in my life. We started doing the same things again but with no clear distinction of what we were. It dragged on for two more months and in the end, he just disappeared only to reveal on his instagram account a month later that he has a girlfriend already. I just felt so blindsided. Truth is before him, I had two relationships. One ended because of long distance and the other one because I honestly don’t know. He told me reasons that were very far different from what he told other people. So yeah, just my luck with men, right?! But with these experiences, I can’t help but be curious of Lana’s vlog.
I watched her video with full attention. I can say that for the most part, I agree with her. I would nod and tell myself that probably the things she were saying were actually universal lessons we learn from dating and relationships. I do have the same insights. You get to be exposed to ideas of vulnerability, compatibility, acceptance, change, and of letting go.
Lana was actually very straight forward with her advice. She said love is not enough. I agree. It is 100% true! There are so many factors to consider that can affect a certain relationship. With dating, like her, I have realized that you have to be smart. Gone were the days I thought that when a man loves a woman and the woman loves the man in return, they can conquer the world. I now know for a fact that it only exists in the movies. But it took me a little while though, maybe about two years or so, to accept that idea. I only did after my first boyfriend and I broke up.
Another valuable lesson Lana shared is to believe in your gut instinct. I am with her on this. Please don’t discredit your instincts. If you’d just listen to them, you’d probably be saving yourself from future heartaches. If something is bothering you, or there’s a voice in your head that says it won’t workout, or that you just have too many reservations and can’t see how things will pan out, don’t let any outside pressure dictate your judgment or just don’t be a fool like me to think that the outcome can change because as my experiences have taught me, all the shots you give to people can backfire on you. And you won’t be able to blame anyone. There’s only you. But even as you take ownership for the mistake you’ve made, I’d say please forgive yourself. Be compassionate. Be kind to yourself. Remind yourself that even when the other person has not turned out to be the person you were looking for, he or she has made you happy. Practice kindness and compassion but be smart enough not to commit the same mistake again. Give yourself a break. But don’t be afraid to find yourself alone.
You can’t pour from an empty cup. (Photo re-uploaded and taken from pinterest)
It’s okay to be single. Alone does not equate to lonely. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with spending time with yourself. Let us be reminded that we can’t pour from an empty cup. It is very important that we love ourselves wholly to be able to give love. It is impossible to love someone else if you don’t love yourself. Cherish and give yourself the utmost importance it deserves because you can never go wrong with that.
One other important experience Lana imparted is that her journey has been documented through journaling. Maybe you too can try. I, myself, have been journaling a lot as well. I started doing it more than a year ago and now it has become one of my good habits. It has helped me a lot during those times I badly wanted to declutter my mind. For me, journaling or writing in general, creates a safe space for emotions and thoughts to be released without having to hold anything back.
Thank you Lana for sharing your thoughts and experiences and for making the video. I actually found the inspiration to write this tonight.
My takeaway from all of this is that:
The experiences we go through dating can be very exhilarating and sometimes even exhausting. But that’s the beauty of it. We learn through the ups and downs. And no matter how it ends, be it happy or not, we gain very valuable insights that can become life’s greatest lessons.
Spill the Beans 