To Love Freely

To love without inhibition is always easier said than done. We just hate to admit that it’s the truth.  In reality, love isn’t the only thing that matters  most especially when it’s your family whose very much against it. I know of people who have been in this kind of situation (scoff sisters, scoff cousins) and though it may seem like a lost cause, there will always be that chance (though arguably) to turn the tables. With the right combination of patience and persistence as well as good manners and intentions, any man could win and gain the trust of those against him. Eventually, the ones who used to disapprove would come around and give their nods.

I guess, same things happen to my friends too. Let me share a story.

One night, my friend and I were talking via chat when she told me her current dilemma. I was surprised to learn that she was in a situation so similar to my sisters and cousins. Her parents doesn’t approve of the guy she likes so she doesn’t correct the preconceived notions her parents have of him. She likes him already but she doesn’t want to formally bring him as a suitor in their house. She’s afraid that her parents might react badly to him. Although I know that I was in no position to give her my advice, I still shared my two cents anyway. Trust me. She never thought of future consequences and how a reckless impulsive decision could lead to a more chaotic outcome. Her mind was filled with all short-term solutions. So, I said “test the waters.” It’s the best advice I could offer her. She can always see what happens next and gauge her next move.  I thought maybe from doing so, she’d get her answer for questions like “Would he be worth it?”  and so on. I told her that she owes it to the guy to at least let him have his shot of proving his worth to her family.  If she musters the courage to introduce him to her family and let him do the courting in her home then maybe, just maybe, she’d have a bigger chance at making her love story work.  Well, that is if she’d try to let him do his part.

If I were to put it in a different perspective where one can see where she stands, her family, and the guy involved; it would just need a simple gesture from my friend to turn the tables. The sad part though is that she’s not yet ready to do it.

Thus, the big question: how will things turn out for them? My answer: I DON’T KNOW.

It is not easy to tell how her love life would be like in the future but I pretty well know how convoluted it is as of the moment. I can’t really blame her because she  feels conflicted. She has her parents, her guy, her schooling, her work as well as some more relevant matters to consider. I think all of us can understand her plight. But one of her foolish decisions ever made  is to leave her story to the hands of fate. I mean, how can she do that to him? Poor guy. Really. Thats how I thought. Not doing anything, not even trying is the worst crime she can ever commit against him.

She is someone who believes in a lot of love quotes and sayings. And for a moment she had considered these quotes as answer to her questions. Crazy, right? I thought so too.

But what do these quotes mean anyway? To her most especially?

“Love conquers all,” It happens so often in fairy tales but in real life? It doesnt, right? This is supposed to be just words of encouragement. But has been taken out of context most often than not. I also once believed it  but now, I am not so sure. The quote is meant to give a person strength and courage to endure and persist but not to take it literally and use it to justify anything. What do I mean by that? Loving isn’t the reason for living, for believing, for seeing, for feeling, or for anything. You can’t say I love you that’s why I’ve lied to you. It is not an excuse nor it is  a scapegoat for any mistake or wrongdoing like defying your parents for a guy you love. In my friend’s case, she can’t say to the guy if you love me, you’d understand me. Love shouldn’t be used as a leverage. Truth is, sometimes we don’t see it as it is and just use it as we deem fit. We use it for all the wrong reasons and yet we still somehow think that it does conquer. But love doesn’t conquer; it inspires.  It motivates us to achieve our goals; it allows us to share our experiences with one  another; or simply put, it is our source of joy, strength, trust, and faith.

Actually, these thoughts on conquering is one thing but waiting is another.  “True love waits,” so they say, and so she believes. Another popular saying, huh? But on this one– I neither agree nor disagree. Even though I’d really like to believe that it really does, a part of me says otherwise. I admit that the saying makes sense for few cases like for some people I know although we can’t  neglect the fact that not all are very patient. I think, partly our way of thinking is to blame.  We always wait for things to happen on their own. We have forgotten that even with the mindset to leave everything to fate and time, the course of action will still remain up to us and only then will we realize how we have reached where we are.  It is ourselves who will lead us to our fate.  On the other hand, if we just keep still and do nothing, we should also expect nothing in return. A good analogy would be if you don’t buy the ticket, you can’t win the lotto.

See my point? I hope you can. I hope she can.

Betting her happiness on such popular and over used words  is down right stupid. My friend believes that if they’re meant to be,  time will come that everything will just fall into the right place. Fate, as she sees it, will bring them back together. However if that’s the case, it’s a gamble she must be prepared to lose. Know that there are so many love quotes in the world and idealistic as they are, they sometimes do not make sense. But other times they do. Usually though, when they do, the love story has been written already and the realization that the quote is true came late.  And this is what I’d like my friend to realize.

Hers is a love story akin to a lot of people. But the real problem is not  her family. Well, at least not now, not yet, not like the way she thinks it is. The true dilemma lies within her. She’s scared and she’s not used to disappointing her parents. But she gotta make a choice soon. She ought to do something because every day that goes by, she’s making it harder for the both of them. One thing for sure though, sooner or later, the problems would come anyway. Be it the same guy or another, it’ll still be the same dilemmas that she would have to face.

I want her to be brave enough. I hope she faces her problem head on. I want her to try. And If its hard, I want her to try harder. That way she’ll have a shot to her happiness.

I know that to love freely is a tough act and a courageous thing to do. Not everybody gets the chance to do this but there are few who have triumphed and weathered the hardships to be able to love with no holds barred. My friend wanted to buy more time to sort her feelings out. I hope she finds answers to her troubling situation. She sure has a lot in her plate at the moment. She may not know if it’s going to be a happy ending for them but she believes that she will surely have one.  And once she’s ready to take that leap of faith in him; take that risk, she might get there soon and only then can she truly love openly and freely.