Next Chapter

Today is another goodbye. I didn’t actually think it would come to this but it did anyway. So I guess this is it. I have to officially say farewell to Cayman. On my previous entry, I wrote so enthusiastically about the life I used to have and how I would love to do all the things I haven’t done yet when I return to the island. But shit happened. Our company has to cut its losses because business is still bad.

I feel sad to be let go of a job I love. And not because I did something bad but because of a worldly situation. I feel like a chapter of my life has been forced to close against my own will. However, I admit that sometimes, that push is necessary. We have to be confronted by events in our lives that would leave us no option but to move forward and begin a new chapter. That’s what happened to me this year. I had no other option. And yes, I’ll also need to start again. 

Life is so unpredictable. I didn’t think this pandemic would wreak havoc in many lives of people. But then again our lives do not end today nor this year. 2020 may be the worst year yet but we got to endure and persist. We have to deal with the changes and believe that the best is yet to come. 

You see, there is nothing wrong with change or having to start again. But I guess each one of us just gets too afraid of the unknown. Who knows what’s in store for us in the future? Who knows how our lives will turn out to be or where we’ll end up? Everything is just still so unclear. But, that’s the beauty of it. We may feel afraid, lost, and unsure of what’s to come but when the future finally unfolds, and everything falls into the right place, we will finally get to realize how each thing, circumstance, or person, fits into the bigger picture. There will be that “Aha!” moment and everything else will just make sense. 

So trust. Trust in the universe. Trust in the Lord even when there is so much confusion and uncertainty. I have been doing that lately for I have learned to trust as well. I know that one day, I will understand all the why’s. But for now, I have to close this chapter and begin a new one. The answers will come soon. Maybe in the next one!😉

Coming Back For You Cayman

The Cayman Islands has been my home for a little over two years now until recently when I had to temporarily move back to my country due to the pandemic. I wasn’t excited about it to be honest because my job was at stake. I realized, however, that if I insisted on staying, I had no guarantee my finances would hold up until everything gets back to normal or, at least, when I get to start working again.

With me currently in the Philippines, I came to understand that while it is true that it’s comfortable here as this is my home country, I am also yearning for that familiar life I used to enjoy on the island. And even though this may seem cheesy and may seem untrue, I miss Cayman. I really do. There’s just too much to like about it. The scenery, the island vibes, they grow on you. It is more of a slow burn than a rapid-fire. You don’t notice it immediately but next thing you know, Cayman already occupies a space in your heart. It hits you just a little later like it did to me. But at least, now I know that I loved it there.

Funny though because back then, I thought, my movements were very limited. I had this notion that I can’t move as freely as I wanted to because I don’t own a car there in Cayman. My opinion changed, however, now that I am back in Manila. I realized that my movements here are actually more limited. Even if I decide to take my sister’s car, with the traffic and the proximity of the places, I can probably do very little (if I do decide to go out) as opposed to the lots of things I can probably accomplish in five hours there in Cayman.

City life is just really very different to the island life. Everything is fast paced here. Everyone seems to be busy and always on a rush. It’s tiring and exhausting to the soul. There’s no tranquility in the surroundings, only noise and clutter.

image0 (1)

On the other hand, life is slow and relaxed in Cayman. And I like it like that. It is befitting of a paradise. And there is no doubt about it too. Tourists flock the island so they can enjoy the beaches. And my favorite thing to do is walk along the shoreline and watch the sunset. I loved doing it on my days off. Besides, the white sand is just heavenly to walk on. I find it very therapeutic. And whenever I‘d go to the beach for whatever reason, I find that being present in that situation calms the inner turmoil I have within. It makes me more relaxed and as a result, I get to have that very elusive inner peace. Somewhere in Tiki beach, I used to have a spot under a tree where I would lay out a blanket on the sand and read my book. Sometimes, I would just lay there and wallow in the beauty of nature. I would just close my eyes and listen to the environment for there is just something in the waters and the sound of the waves that is very soothing.

And although I have lived quite sometime in Cayman, I know that I still have a lot of things to do there. I haven’t been to Cayman Brac yet or Little Cayman and I haven’t even gone on a submarine tour or snorkeling at night in Rum Point. I have yet to try known restaurants like Grand Old House, Ragazzi, and Calypso Grill. Even this year on my birthday, I told myself I would go for parasailing so I could check it off my bucket list but that didn’t happen. I’ve been offered by people I used to know to also go on jetskiing but unfortunately, none of that materialized.  There were several occasions in the past when my friends used to make fun of me because most of the time, I didn’t even know the names of the restaurants they’ve been talking about. Thank goodness though because my work permit is not yet expired and I will hopefully be returning to the island (yes, I’m claiming it) soon which means I can finally do the things I haven’t done yet without really feeling any regret that I’ve had let my chances go. One thing I have learned about chances is that when you’re given another chance, you should always make it count.

image1 (7)

So I can’t wait to go back Cayman! I wonder what you still have for me. I thought that you were already wearing me out and that I was tired of the island life already but I was wrong. I like it there. I love the simplicity of the life I have or used to have. I miss living independently. I miss my friends, the people I work with, my job, and the money I used to earn! haha! Cayman may be an expensive place to live in, but I can deal with that. I’ll find a way like I always do. So yeah, definitely, I’m coming back for you, Cayman!

Dearest ‘Lo

August 13, 2020

Dearest Lolo Pael,

I can’t believe you’re gone. I have this regret that I wasn’t really able to see you and talk to you the last time I went home. I may not have known my real grandfather on mommy’s side but you filled the part just fine. You are the closest I could ever had to a grandfather. You even became my godfather. I was always special in your eyes and I knew that. As a child, I would always get a gift from you. Sometimes I could even convince you to give me more and other times I could also persuade you to give me your coins so I can buy all the candies I wanted. You treated my whole family like your immediate family. And you’ve never missed out on any family gatherings. And even as I started working abroad, mom and dad would often tell me that you’re looking for me, wondering how I’ve been.

For sure, we are gonna miss having you on birthday celebrations, christmases, graduations, and even weddings ‘lo.

It really pains me lo that in the end, when you drew in your last breath, you were alone in your own home. You probably wanted that care and attention too. But we were late. We could have saved you.

I just have so much regret lo. It’s heartbreaking really. My heart aches for the treatment you have received from your immediate family members.

I can’t stop the tears right now.

I’m sorry, I could have done more. I hope that you find eternal bliss now wherever you are. Thank you for everything you have done for my family. You have nothing to worry about now. Rest in Peace.

Love,

Neng