Watching From the Sidelines

This is a repost from my other blog. No need to know about the site but know that it is mine. I originally had no intention of posting this on any social networking site or even on my blog. It took me several months to complete the whole entry. Eventually, something pushed me to post this on facebook (now a deleted note) and then on my other blog. 

It has been four years since I wrote this entry. I’m posting this again because it’s February and people are all giddy and excited again for the fourteenth to come (that is today!). Be informed that I’ve edited some parts of the entry below to make the thoughts clearer.  So the entry goes this way:

(A Spectator’s Definition of Love)

I know nothing about love. In fact, the notion I have of it is only based on the accounts of other people who like to share their stories with me. And now that I think of it, these people actually have something in common. Their experiences when it comes to LOVE are but similar in more ways than one. Just like how it is for everybody, people tend to feel their happiest one moment and then, the gloomiest the next. This then only proves one thing— that in love, nothing is certain at any given point in time. But rest assured though that people  get to have seats in its roller coaster ride of emotions.

Now, if you ask me to define the word LOVE based on what I see and observe from these people I know, I’d say that it is unfair, demanding and selfish.

Love is unfair. More often than not, someone in a relationship is always on top of the other – more dominant for that matter. The stronger one always gets to be the dictator; the weak and passive, on the other hand, is nothing more than just an obedient follower. Compromise is a word that’s not in their dictionary apparently. I know of people who are involved in this kind of relationship and I think that there is really no such thing as equal in love, or maybe it’s just me. But I came to the realization that in every relationship, there are instances that make everything seem unfair such as: when the girlfriend asked for his boyfriend’s permission but the boyfriend refused; the girlfriend said no to him but the boyfriend still persisted anyway; or when the girlfriend went out at night and the boyfriend got mad and whatnot. See my point? The process continues and goes on for what seems like an eternity. And this will always be the case for as long as two people who are not really meant for each other remains in a relationship.

Love is also demanding that’s why it’s unfair. It asks too much time and effort from a person. If ever a man fails to spend hours with his significant other, he can be already accused of taking his girlfriend for granted. I often wonder why a person has to always make his presence felt to his or her partner. It’s not like as if that person doesn’t have other relationships to think of and maintain. This is the reason why they say long distance relationship seldom works. But for me, knowing that somewhere in this world your love one exists and breathes the same air as yours would suffice to survive and go on with life. Truth be told, couples don’t really need to be always close to one another. Being far away does not always mean two people would grow apart. Sometimes, it could mean the other way around— a pair’s communication, for example, may even be more constant when they’re hundred or thousands of miles away from each other than just kilometers apart. But whatever, all of these actually only boil down into one thing— TRUST. A person only has to trust his or her significant other that he or she will be true to their relationship and  their love can last. If two people are really meant to spend a lifetime together, the universe will always conspire to make the relationship work thus their love will be able to conquer distance and loneliness. Amor vincit omnia, right?

Love is selfish. And it’s gonna be that way for the longest time possible for so long as it’s unfair and demanding. The guy would forever want his girlfriend’s time or if, the girl’s unlucky, the guy would always choose his friends over her and yet still expects her to understand because she loves him. Or maybe, the girlfriend would still stupidly believe that his boyfriend and supposed to be knight in shining armor would stay by her side FOREVER. Some people tend to keep their relationships and partners by their side and try to fix a broken heart whenever there’s a misunderstanding. But what use could the mending do when the quarrels become frequent and the make-ups become a routine. It seems tiring, right? So why prolong the agony? Maybe, the feeling’s gone and the love that once bloomed between two people had slowly started becoming a habit for which they thought they can’t live without. What happened then to forever? To the love that would last a lifetime? Gone too soon. Just like that (snap of the fingers). And then the search would start again— for that one great true love. Ironic isn’t it? That people look for love and when they found one, they’d also ditch them and look for a “better” one.

Love. Love. Love. (Sigh). I’m merely watching people from the sidelines and here I am… I feel as if I’ve seen its many hidden facets. I’ve learned a lot from the people around me and yet there’s still too much to know about this L-O-V-E that makes the heart leaps and flutters. For now, I can only learn vicariously and unless I experience it myself, I wouldn’t know how my own story would turn out.

–end of entry–

I’ve earned a lot of negative comments when I first posted this. People said  it was written in a negative perspective. But what they didn’t know is that all of these thoughts had basis. I’ve seen the examples I’ve cited first-hand. But I can’t really blame them for telling me off. They are in love. It’s easier to turn a blind eye than to accept that they really do happen.  You know the popular “Love is not blind; lovers are. They see but they don’t mind?”  Hear, hear! HAHA! I guess that’s really true. On the other hand, I’ve also had a lot of friends who encouraged me. They were too honest with themselves that they can see the circumstances really happening. HAHA! They said: “Been there, done that!”

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that love is not a wonderful thing. It is, in fact. Cliche as it sounds but indeed, “love is a many splendored thing.” The butterflies in the stomach, the pleasant dreams, the sudden inspiration, the glow it gives a person– all of these combined is love. And you don’t need a genius to know that– just a keen observeer, I guess. HAHA! Love isn’t everything in the world  but it can mean everything to a person. How you see it, think of it, and live it says a lot of who you are as a person. But let’s not box people who have not experience romantic love. They too know how to love, maybe not just the kind of love most people would expect them to know.

Unavoidably, there are some individuals who also get dissappointed because their partners can’t reciprocate the amount of love they can give. I’m no love expert but I can tell that there’s just too much one can give. Don’t expect everybody to be the same in the love department.  Every encounter is different and unique — sometimes bizaare, sometimes enchanting. But not everybody can always go all out. It can break  a person apart (that’s why there are the likes of One More Chance) but if you can and if that’s what makes you happy, fine! Whatever floats your boat. But don’t say I didn’t warn you. HAHA!

Love may mean differently to different persons, but the stories end in just two ways: happily ever after or not (everything in between falls in the “not” by default). Nevertheless, everybody wants the same thing, right? That is to love and be loved in every possible way through the end of time. So share your love. Show it and don’t hide. Love and be loved by all means.




Funny how life is, one moment you hope for things to be different and when they already do, you suddenly wish that they didn’t. But whatever, life isn’t really what most of us think it to be. I, for one, see it like an endless road trip with lots of stopovers and detours. For some, they may perceive it to be like a box of chocolate– full of surprises, and maybe for those who’ve lived miserably; it’s just full of crap.

Tonight, as I write this entry, one popular quotation crossed my mind. My world history teacher once quoted a popular thinker with his words. She wrote on the board: “an unexamined life is not worth living.” I can still recall what was running in my head at that time. Self-reflection— this is what the quote’s all about, it’s a no-brainer, I thought. Back then, I felt proud that I had the answer, but right now I am not so sure.


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Is self-reflection enough to say that I, or we, have a life worth living? I mean, does that suffice? I know it doesn’t. Self-reflection is just the start. But all of us have to learn that the hard way. More often than not, we wait for the bad things to happen before we even look back. And then when we finally know the reason why hell came to us, we still ask: “why?”

Sometimes, it never really occurs to us that a short walk down memory lane can save us buckets of tears. I, too, am guilty of this. I just keep on going – living each day, one moment at a time without replaying or giving thought on the things I’ve done. Well, there were those times that I pressed the rewind button in my head but all because I felt nostalgic. I filter the bad things and just think of the happy memories.I don’t really reflect on my actions or my behaviors. Sometimes, I don’t want to think at all. It makes me feel so stressed out and this is why I can’t blame others for living their lives the way they do.

But we all have our options, haven’t we? We make our choices. We just have to be smart. Life is. It teaches us to be wiser. It gives us every opportunity to think and ponder – ponder on everyday’s events before retiring to bed;  of the things we did but could’ve done differently, and of the circumstances that we could’ve handled maturely. It gives us a hunch of  what could possibly happen and lessons to learn the next time we encounter the same bump in the road. But what am I saying, really? That life is what we make it. We choose the paths we take. I bet you know that already – that it’s different for everyone else. One name; different faces; different encounters.

Socrates’s idea isn’t entirely sold on me today like it did before but the guy has a point. He’s not wrong. It’s just a bit lacking really, well, for me. But it’s a start  – to a life worth living. (Each to his own, right?)


And yes, life can be really funny in telling us that we’ve screwed up big time. Sometimes, oddly but as the popular saying goes: “That’s life!”