To the Next Man That Will Have My Heart

This morning my best friend from high school shared with me an entry she wrote for her blog. While browsing through other entries, I stumbled upon one that’s dedicated to her future boyfriend. After reading it, I was inspired to do the same. So here goes my letter to the man of my dreams, my future boyfriend, and the one I’m hoping to spend a lifetime with:

 

Dear Future Lover,

I promise that I will give you my full trust, honesty, and loyalty. I will not hide anything from you or lie to you. Instead, I will be very open. You will have my complete respect and in return, I hope to have yours too. I wish that you’ll always be wary of my presence and you’ll never make me feel that you are ashamed of me. 

I will try my best to make you feel my love. I wouldn’t say yes to be your girlfriend if I am unsure of you so never doubt my feelings. I may not like public display of affection but I will like it if you will randomly hold my hand, give me a hug or look me in the eyes with a loving smile. 

Please don’t make me promises you can’t keep. I’d rather you surprise me with what you have in mind than let me believe that you will all make them come true and yet the simplest of all – of not hurting me you couldn’t keep. I hope that you’ll just stay realistic.

I am nowhere near perfect for a girlfriend. Like any individual, I have a lot of flaws. Some you might find endearing and some even annoying.  When I’m too happy, I like to dance and act crazy. I laugh out loud and I have the tendency to be very noisy but I get too quiet also when I’m thinking. And I do that a lot. I like wondering about the future thus I may ask you every now and then of your dreams for I wanna include you in mine.

I am into details. I notice the littlest of things and mistakes. It’s not to make you feel bad but because I know you are someone that can do so much more. I may point them out but only for you to outdo yourself.

In terms of your life goals, I promise I will be your cheerleader and number one fan.  I will be there every step of the way. I will be proud of your achievements no matter how big or small. You can always lean on me. I want us to be true friends who can openly share our woes to each other. I will listen to you and I will try to cheer you up if you’re feeling down. I will give you massages if your shoulder aches and I will make sure that every day I greet you in the most loving way I know. And even if you’re a pet lover, I will love you just the same. I will adjust. I am often scared of dogs but if you have one, I will try my best to be friends with it.

For a woman, I don’t think I am very hard to please. I like simple dates. I don’t mind eating anywhere you like.So long as it’s with you, my stomach will feel full. If there are times I insist on where I want to eat, that’s because I like you to eat there with me. I want to share that moment with you.  I don’t really care if you don’t buy me flowers or chocolates. I am not into those anyway. What I like are personally made gifts. If you write me letters, that will be the best. No need for fancy stuff. I can buy that for myself.

I like going for a drive and stargazing. I don’t really like movie dates. I find it boring and time-consuming. I can watch the movie alone. I will just love to spend time and talk with you wherever whenever possible. There are days though when you might find me too sensitive. When this happens, just learn to bear with it because that won’t last long. And if by chance I get mad at you, allow me to keep my peace. I would not want to say anything that could hurt you. I just want some time to dissipate my anger.

I am also a travel enthusiast. I like going to places I haven’t seen and explored. How about uou hop on a plane with me and let’s see if you’ll fit to be my travel buddy. Don’t get me wrong, though I love travelling, an adventure involving heights is too much for me. But then if you’ll help me overcome my fear, I’ll go on the top of the world with you just be patient with me. If you wanna go to the beach to swim, even though I am not a fan because I am afraid of deep waters, I will for you.

I will try to be the best girlfriend for you and I will dote on you but please just don’t give up on me so easily when I am at my lows and very much unlovable. I will be very understanding of your temper and moods so please do the same for me. I hope you’ll still choose me when the circumstances are very much inconvenient and the world seems like it’s tearing us apart.

But then again if the inevitable comes, and we find ourselves losing each other, let’s try to fix us. At least try for me. Give us a chance. We both deserve that much. But if all else fails, have the decency to break up with me in person not just through a text message. And if that’s not possible, be man enough and have the balls to call me.

You see my heart had been badly broken once and I am hoping that you’ll spare me from that kind of tragedy again. I sincerely wish that you are going to be my last boyfriend and will be the man I will spend the rest of my life with. I promise you that I will love you wholeheartedly like I have never been hurt before. I don’t want the moon and the stars. All I want is your genuine love and affection devoid of any deceit and lies.

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A Step Closer

Tomorrow, I’ll be one step closer to…uhmm… I don’t know, success? happiness? stability? security? Well, I can’t really put a name to what I’m feeling right now so I guess you just probably have to pick one for me.

But, yeah, what do you know? Just to give you a hint then, I’m talking about the far, distant, and the unknown future. MY FUTURE.

It is actually kind of on the line here. Whatever I choose now, I’d have to make-up for it in the days or years to come. If I make one wrong decision, just one, I’ll probably end-up losing all the confidence I have left in me.

You see, my previous job had given me a lot to think about. I’ve been having doubts and second thoughts on almost everything that’s concerning work and my future. I can’t get past any of my frustrations and every night I think of them– all the what ifs and the could have beens. And yes, I am moving on in a very slow pace for I’ve been feeling guilty, afraid, incompetent, unappreciated and  insecure for quite sometime now.

Somehow though, a window opened for me.

With this opportunity that’s been offered to me  is something I’ve also given much thought. For starters, I did not agree on doing this overnight. I’ve also contemplated and consulted a lot of people before I said yes. I even prayed to the Lord. I am not saying that I’m making the right decision now but I’m going to give it a try. I’ll take my chances.

I’ll be flying down south tomorrow, and I’m really hoping that the odds are in my favor and not against me. I’ll go there for a training and when I come back home, I plan to put up a business. It’s gonna be hard and the process will be long but I think, I’ll just have to give it a shot and put my best foot forward.

With hard work, nothing is impossible, that I believe.

I guess that this is it then! I’m really going to Davao.

Wish me luck.

-AAA