There comes a time in our lives where we go through a period of sadness and loneliness, and we ask a lot of whys. We question our purpose, our identity, the things we do, even the relationships we have.
This period of darkness can come early in life or a little later. Some people call this phase the quarter-life crisis, some as spiritual awakening, others even refer to it as depression in general. But one thing in common is that we all feel the same thing at a certain point and what only differs is the extent and depth of its effect to our day to day lives. How we start to experience this can be triggered by various different reasons like sudden change in our environment or discontentment in our current situation as well as from our frustrations in our career paths and life goals, a loss of a loved one, or a breakup. It can also stem from our lack of financial stability and the pressure to settle down and have life all figured out.
I’ve been there. Take it from me, life only gets better. You will get through this phase and you will emerge victorious. You will learn a lot of lessons in life but you have to do it one step at a time. There are no shortcuts. The sadness won’t go away easily and it won’t be cured overnight. But if you keep going on, one day you’ll just realize it’s over. It’s like going on a train ride and passing through a tunnel. Once you see the light on the other side, it feels great and liberating.
Photo by Victor Freitas from Pexels
I still recall the time I was super sad about my life. I was a fresh graduate and had been working in a start-up advertising agency. I was not earning a lot and I couldn’t help but feel so small. Career-wise, I felt I have not been doing really well and it has started to affect all other areas of my life. I was always grumpy and tired. I couldn’t sleep properly at night and I would sometimes stay awake and cry myself to sleep. I started to distance myself from college friends who I knew were doing well in their jobs. And in general, I was just feeling very unhappy. I just didn’t know, at that time, how to get through it or how I would be able to get out of that kind of feeling. I would only air out my feelings to few high school friends who I felt were in the same boat as me. I used to tell them how I felt so lost and underemployed. And that being a graduate of a premier state university in the Philippines did not help me at all. It was actually even a pressure for me to perform and live up to the expectations of a UP graduate. Looking back now, I would say that I was having a pity party every night. Trust me, it didn’t feel good at all.
But I guess, eventually, you come to a point you say to yourself, enough is enough. I knew I had to change. But to actually do it entailed a strong will and a firm mindset to put a stop to that loop of negative self talk and feeling sorry. Having said that, one day I decided to quit my job and that was the start. I went on mini vacations that were almost like soul-searching, and I prayed a lot. I asked for guidance and direction. I eventually decided to start a business with my older sister to market the software of my uncle in our region. I left my province and stayed in Davao for six months to do my training and that started to spark the joy in me. Little by little, I found myself being back on track. The smiles and the hearty laughters that have eluded me ultimately returned and my bubbly personality has then resurfaced. I just knew I was enjoying living again. Later on, events in my life led to an opportunity for me to go back to school and to which I took advantage of so I can pursue my culinary career.
It was tough for me back then and I thought the misery won’t end. But it does. However, I hope you take the time to learn through the process. And don’t worry, because all your feelings are valid. Whatever it is that you are going through, and whatever the reason is, no one should ever trivialize and belittle your concerns. Always remember that. My worries back then may seem miniscule now but back then, I wasn’t really equipped with the wisdom that I now possess. That phase in my life lasted for about two years and it felt like a lifetime. Initially, I told myself that if I could turn back time, I would do anything to lessen the burden I was feeling. I would never wallow in the negative thoughts and I would practice self-compassion. But then I realized my friend Mae was right. If I alter the experience, the learnings would no longer be the same anymore.
So here’s one takeaway. How you emerge from this phase will all be up to you. The moment you decide to take action and not run away from your feelings is the time you begin your healing process. And yes I call it healing. It heals your mental state and your physical well-being. When you go within and address the root of your feelings is the time you are committing yourself to break-free from this.
But again, there are no shortcuts, there is no telling when this phase of life will be over. It can take you months to years but things will eventually get better. Just remember, we all go through this process not just you or me. But for sure what we are going to gain from this time of our lives can help us eventually in the future when we are again faced with difficulties. We would know how to navigate through our feelings and respond accordingly. So the next time you feel stuck, sad, and lonely, know that this is happening for you not to you. Life only gets better and this is just a phase.
Spill the Beans 